Track 2 - The Great Variety Show Recording
“Nishizono-kun, your eyes were glued to that video! What did you think of the baby animal series?”
The super popular host turns to me.
I’m recording for a show I was really looking forward to today, “Animal Paradise.”
I’m a semi-regular on the show, but I was trying a little harder than usual so they’d let me become a regular.
“Not bad! Well, I do think something like a high-class borzoi would be more fitting for a celebrity like yours truly…”
“Really? So you didn’t like the golden retriever or chihuahua pups?”
“N-No, it’s not like that! I really think they’re all cute! They all have big, round eyes, and their legs were all so short and chubby…!”
When the host teases me, I blurt out my true feelings. Laughter erupts all around the studio, and he says to me, “You really are a cutie, aren’t you?”
“No, honestly, yours truly prefers white tigers!”
In my panic I say something celebrity-like, but for some reason no one takes it seriously.
Today’s broadcast is live, so they can’t cut it out later.
I thought I’d do my best with the wipe comedy1 I’m known for, but when I saw the animals, I ended up dropping the act. Ugh, I guess I can’t help it.
The animals are all so cute, after all.
Soon after, a popular documentary-style segment called “Where’s that baby now!?” started.
It follows the growth of baby animals that were featured in the past, and this time the spotlight was on a pair of baby foxes that were on the show about a year ago.
The narrator on the video explains over old footage, that “even though they were born from different parents, they were like twins, and were so close it was as if they were one being.”
They had big ears, fluffy golden fur, and they looked like they were wearing black socks on their feet…
The two adorable baby foxes were clinging to each other and rolling around together.
So cute.
At the same time, I felt they were just like us.
Even though we were born from different parents, we looked the same, and it was almost like we were one person…me and Kiba that is.
It was a mysterious connection that made us feel like we were melting together every time our hands touched.
I’m so jealous. I want those two to stay together forever.
Like Kiba and I, without ever drifting apart…
That’s what I’d hoped, but the narrator tells me the cruel truth.
“The two had grown up and were about to be one year old. But it turns out on that day, one of them was scheduled to be moved to a zoo far away.”
“Huh?”
Without thinking, I voiced my surprise.
The camera was still rolling and the video was still on screen.
“...No way, they couldn’t be together?”
I was in shock.
The two foxes were shown separated.
One was put into a cage and loaded onto a truck, as the one left behind cried sadly while it watched the other leave.
Just like me and Kiba.
The thought that they’d never see each other again left me in shambles.
I forgot we were still recording, and before I knew it, tears were gathering in my eyes.
The camera may have been focused on me, but I was just so miserable I didn’t even care.
“You seem very shocked, Nishizono-kun,” the host says when the video ends.
I was still feeling depressed and ended up muttering, “Why can’t the two of them be together…?”
“Being separated is hard for me too, so I hoped they could be together…”
My tears threaten to fall, so I clench my fist to hold them back.
A popular cross-dressing celebrity says to me with concern, “Renga-chan, you look like you’re about to cry! Are you remembering a close friend of yours?”
The host nods and agrees, “You seemed to really empathize with the foxes.”
That’s when I suddenly snapped out of it and panickedly tried to return to my celebrity persona.
I quickly wiped away my tears and tried to play it down by saying, “W-Well the video was just so well done, I couldn’t help myself!” But the cross-dressing celebrity only replied, “You’re just so innocent, hun. It made my heart skip a beat.”
The other co-stars also said things like, “Renga-taso, you’re totes the cutest,” and “Nishizono-san, you’re really pure, huh?” so there was no way for me to keep up appearances.
I was embarrassed and I could feel my face getting hot, but I had no choice but to accept their comments.
After the recording, my manager told me, “SpiNet is going crazy right now.”
Tags like “#BFRC teary-eyed” and “#Renga Nishizono’s character collapses for the millionth time” were trending.
Thanks to that, the show seems to have garnered a lot of attention. The producer told me, “I’m definitely going to invite you for the next tear-jerking documentary.”
Is this really alright for my celebrity image?
“Fundamentally, there’s nothing wrong with the way things are going, but I’m worried if you act too “boyfail,” you might start losing work from high-end brands.”
My manager warns me that I need to maintain a sharp image when I’m modeling.
“But I suppose it’s fine this time because the topic was about animals. I’m happy enough seeing people say you’re a kind-hearted celebrity that even empathizes with foxes.”
“Let’s contact some brands that sell fake fur!” my manager says while pumping his fist in the air.
I was still regretting tearing up on camera, so hearing it was okay as long as it was about animals… made me a bit relieved.
He hasn’t met them, but I’m sure Kiba would tear up too if he saw those animals.
He’s a really kind person, after all.
The image of the two separated foxes stayed vivid in my mind as I thought that.
Like those foxes, maybe Kiba and I would never meet again.
We’ll meet again someday. Someday he’ll come back for me.
Maybe I’m the only one who thinks that.
It turns out I was more obviously depressed than I thought.
The chief and Kafka came and asked me, “Do you want to have some tea?” while I was sitting spaced out in the dorm’s living room.
It was late at night, so no one was around. I was alone, thinking back about the live broadcast recording.
Kafka and the chief came from the kitchen, handed me a cup of milk tea, and invited me to join them in drinking it on the balcony.
“So, what’s got you feeling down?” Kafka asked as soon as I got settled on the balcony.
That’s when I finally realized they’d noticed how depressed I was.
The chief, being how he is, was looking at me worriedly.
The warm milk tea was sweet and smelled nice, which calmed me down a bit.
Kafka and the chief are both really kind.
So I thought it’d be okay for me to tell them.
“I messed up during today’s live broadcast…”
That’s how I started it.
“You mean ‘Animal Paradise’? I watched it with Kafka, Yuki-nii, and the kids that were in the dorm! You really worked hard on it!”
The chief spoke cheerfully, as if to tell me he really thought from the bottom of his heart that it was fun.
His words made me truly happy.
But a failure is a failure, after all.
“When I saw the documentary video, I got too emotionally invested.”
“Oh, the part when you started crying.”
“I-I didn’t cry. I held it in…”
“People really liked it online! I thought it was great too.”
“I appreciate the thought, Chief, but… isn’t it pretty lame for a celebrity to be like that?”
“The general public already knows what you’re really like, so why do you need to worry about it?
When Kafka said that, I let out a pathetic “Uuuhh~”.
“Was there something about it that made you get too emotionally invested?”
The chief, who’d been quiet for a while, tried to understand my feelings.
When he asked that, I remembered there was something I’d kept a secret, and decided to confess.
“I got a letter from the real Renga. It’s not long enough to really be called a letter, but…”
The two of them widened their eyes in surprise.
“I wrote a reply, but I don’t have a way to deliver it. …That’s why I’m a little worried. I’ve been thinking I’ll never see him again.”
And because of that, I saw ourselves in the two foxes.
Kafka stared at me quietly for a while, before finally asking, “By the way, what kind of message was it?”
It wasn’t something I needed to hide, so I told him.
―[I’m always watching. Ren, just be yourself.]
They were two short sentences I’d read countless times, so I knew them by heart.
The chief smiled and said, “I’m sure those are words of encouragement.”
Kafka put his finger to his lips as if thinking deeply about something.
“If he means it’s fine for you to remain as you are now, then he’s saying you’re already the best version of yourself. I think he accepts everything about you, even the things you consider failures. That’s why today’s recording isn’t an issue either!” the chief reassured me.
Maybe it's just like he says.
When I think of it that way, I start to feel a bit better.
Kafka had been silent the whole time, but he looked up halfway through.
“Putting aside the contents of the letter, I’m also fond of the way you are now. I’m sure everyone at HAMA Tours, and even the viewers, understands the charm of the Renga they see before their eyes.”
Hearing that from Kafka was really reassuring.
In the end, I still don’t know how I’ll get my reply to Kiba, but if I act true to myself, then maybe he’ll be satisfied.
If I continue to respond to his message to be myself, Kiba might feel relieved.
—My whole demeanor is a response to Kiba.
I’ll believe in his words, “I’m always watching.”
I’m sure Kiba was using those few words to encourage me.
I just need to accept them and live my life as “Ren.”
I finally started feeling better after the chief and Kafka talked to and cheered me up.
As I drank the sweet milk tea, I found myself smiling as I talked about the cute animals I saw during the recording today.